Robots need love too

I spent last night in a hotel close to the Edmonton airport. The area seems to be frequented by truckers (lonely truckers?). The picture to the left doesn't show just how shady the building was, but I think I found a place where 'happy endings' are pretty much a guarantee for those looking for a little relief after a long haul.

Why was I in such an area you may ask? It was the first stop on my way to the town of Inuvik in the North West Territories. For the next ten months I will be teaching basic education to adults at a community college. It is my deepest hope that this experience will make it possible for me to find work in Toronto. Saying goodbye to Capital M and the cats was really difficult and not something I plan on repeating.

On a side note - When I arrived in Edmonton the weather was a surprising 27 degrees. Inuvik offered its own surprise of 2 degrees with a few flakes of snow thrown in for good measure. The person meeting me at the airport picked me out of the crowd right away saying that my camera and shorts gave me away as a newbie to the town. So much for blending in.

Lastly, if anyone knows what time I start work tomorrow - please let me know.

On and On

If anyone wants to hear a great band then I'd recommend you check out Cowpuncher.  Just try and keep your feet still while listening to 'It's time to Wake Up.'  I had the good fortune to work with two of the band memebers at CCH.  I wish them the best.

It's Time To Wake Up

Here are some snippets of conversations I heard while downtown on Friday night:

...She was leaking shit from her ass...

...when you were picking up that guy...

...drinking that bag of blood....

...she was so fat she was like 5 Chucks

I was also able to catch a whole conversation:

"You look like that guy from 'Superbad'!"

"Who McLovin'?"

"No, that other guy, the one from Brampton, you were also in Arrested Development and Nick and Norah's Tape Player"

"Oh, yeah, I was also in Holes"

Well all know that Michael Cera wasn't in Holes, and for the record, the guy looked nothing like Michael Cera

The streetcar was full of really drunk girls, one of who spent part of the ride puking on the floor.  Another spent the entire ride resting her head in her friend's lap.  She was so drunk that she couldn't pull herself together to get off at the right stop, much to the annoyance of her friends.

Fun night.

GR8

The advent of texting, and its shorted form of common words, has a lot of people worried about the ability of today's youth to write properly.  Teachers lament the missing 'wh' from the word 'y,' feminists struggle to remind today's young women that there is an 'I' in 'grl,' and those receiving accolades may feel a little slighted when all they receive is a shortened 'gratz'.  However, there is hope for future.  Few would argue that youth will often rebel against their parents and others in positions of authority.  As such when today's youth become parents, we may start seeing their children writing words with extra letters as a form of rebellion.  For example, the name Alex in the future may look like 'Ahleghx.'   Common words like 'new' will start with a silent 'p' (pnew), and nice will start with a k and have an extra 'y' (kniyce).  In fact, it wouldn't be surprising to see new letters being used silently.  The letter 'x', for instance, may be subtly added to words to make them a little longer.  A text message from the future may read like this "Mothering, Ih am xenjoying maiy stuhdies at puniverghsity."  

From Norbert Ispin's "A look at the World of Tomorrow, Today"

I'm a sack person - deal with it

A few more things:

1) I didn't go to the dentist for almost ten years ( I finally went to one last year). However, due to good oral hygiene I had no cavities, no major tarter build up and no other issues

2) I do a lot of singing. I had thought I kept this habit mostly to myself (or at least confined within my home) but an acquaintance recently mentioned that I was always singing. This was both surprising and a little embarrassing

3) When I was a little boy I jumped into a fountain at a mall and started swimming. It happened during a cold snap and as such I was bundled up in a snow suit. My mom had to buy me new clothes as it was too cold outside, and I was too wet, to make it home without freezing. We didn't have a lot of money and I'm pretty sure my mom didn't end up buying whatever she went to get

4) Like many young boys I really wanted to learn karate after seeing 'The Karate Kid.' Hours before my first judo lesson (karate wasn't offered), I ended up badly breaking my leg when my friends and I were practicing our 'karate' moves. As such, my martial arts career ended before it even began

5) The ER doctor didn't set my leg properly before putting the cast on and months later the doctors had to straighten it out. They were looking at two options i) rebreak it and then reset it ii) drive a wedge into my cast and bend the mending bone back into shape. They chose the latter option and it stands out as one of the most painful experiences in my life (this happened when I was in grade 5)

6) I like to believe that I have super human healing powers, a super immune system and that I'm fairly resilient to getting hurt. I really don't bruise easily and I rarely get sick. Point 4 may seem to contradict this but I believe it may have happened to let me know that I'm not invincible (but close)

7) I'm quite clumsy

8) I'm fairly cynical about a lot things, but not all things

9) I generally dislike wearing jackets. It's been 4 years (and counting) since I last put on a rain jacket

10) I don't think I've ever used an umbrella

11) If I were a comic book villain, my alter ego may be 'the Over-Reactor.' You know how it goes: mild-mannered guy by day who sometimes overreacts to banal pieces of information.

12) I taught myself how to juggle but can't figure out how to do more than three balls

13) I've attended 6 post-secondary institutions

14) Capital M recently called me 'the Cinnamon King.' She only called me it once but it's pretty fitting; I use a lot of cinnamon. I went on a special shopping trip for ceylon cinnamon and ended up buying some saigon cinnamon as well. For those who don't know- ceylon cinnamon is true cinnamon and it's totally different from what is sold at regular grocery stores

killer life

I'm stealing this idea from Facebook (which I still haven't joined). 

25 things about me (well, 5 anyway)

1. I like saying the word 'liquor.'  This started in high school and never really stopped.  It's also strange since I'm not much of a drinker

2. I'm terrible at keeping in touch

3. I was ahead of e-mail's popularity by about one year.  E-mail accounts weren't given out at the college I attended and in desperation to e-mail I would use random computers in the library, open 'Outlook Express,' and send off e-mails.  Sometimes the messages made it through and sometimes they didn't.  What's more,  no one could e-mail me back.

4. I play video games  

5. I am a cereal junkie.  My favourites are 'mini wheats' (cinnamon streusel), 'oatmeal crisp' and 'life.'  I try to only eat the semi-unhealthy breakfast cereals but have been known to buy 'Fruit Loops' and 'Corn Pops,' etc. when they're on sale.

best of me

On second thought, it should be called 'fruit and vegetable spread.'  This is in reference to my idea on how to market strawberry and rhubarb jam.  'Spread' makes its sound less sugary then jam.  

So, yes, I am still unemployed but I'm not worried.  I have absolutely no regrets in leaving my previous job and have applied for some interesting positions.  I am however trying to think of some daily 'unemployment challenges.'  For example: drinking 1 and 1/3 cups of water every hour on the hour between 9:00 A.M. and 5:00P.M.  Or, trying to see how long I can drag out a conversation with the numerous telemarketing/ collection agencies (they keep calling for the previous owner of our current phone number).  I am also looking for children's story publishers; I wrote a story and waver between being too cowardly to send it off and curious to see if it could get published (or at the very least, curious to see a rejection letter).  Maybe that, and the water, will be tomorrow's challenge.  

oxford comma

I went for an interview this past Friday for a position with the University of Toronto.  It wasn't the worst interview (I wasn't asked to sing, and no part of the conversation was conducted in French) but I never felt like I really connected with the interviewers.  It was the first (and hopefully last) interview I've experienced where I was told to make a presentation.  A few days prior to the meeting I was given a scenario by an HR person; she also said that I would have access to AV equipment, PowerPoint and a laptop.  Whether I presented the 'right' information remains a mystery but I guess it was good experience.  I have the feeling that any candidate who didn't use PowerPoint would be automatically out of the running.  It will be about a month before they get back to me with a decision.

I've been thinking of how to remarket certain products, here's one:

Strawberry/Rhubarb jam could be sold as 'Fruit and Vegetable' jam.  Any child who loves pie, but hates vegetables, could eat this delicious combination and get a full serving of fruit and vegetables (in about 1 cup of jam). 

Alright.  I'll be back tomorrow.

Episode IV: A new hope

Well it's done:

Jan. 19, 2009

Attention Supervisor:
With this letter I wish to inform you that I will be resigning from my position with ABC as Centre Manager of the Mississauga office as of Friday, Jan. 31, 2009. I have learned a lot during my time with ABC and I will always be grateful to have had this opportunity. Allow me to express my best wishes for the company and yourself.

Sincerely,

Jesse V

I don't know what's going to happen in the near future but I've decided to be cautiously optimistic. Also, I would like to thank Capital M for a) putting up with my numerous complaints about my job and b) being supportive about taking this leap of faith.

kick this city

This year I’ve made a few resolutions. In no particular order they are:

• Stop saying “I can’t believe it’s already (insert month)”. The only exception to this is if I fall asleep one night and wake up several months later
• Not sleeping for several months at a time

Alright so I haven't made a lot of resolutions but I should be able to follow through on the ones listed (hopefully).

I had planned on giving my notice last Monday (my plan to start the New Year off right) but here I am a week later. However, I am hoping that this Friday afternoon I will call my suspervisor and tender my resignation. Do I have back-up job? No. Do I have a healthy savings account to see me through some lean times? No. Is the country facing high unemployment and limited job prospects? Yes. Conventional wisdom would say that I should hang on to my job but I've never been one for convention. Or at least I'd like to think so. I guess I'll prove whether I am or not this Friday.

Scariest night of the year goes to - last night

I had just stepped out of the shower when I heard a strange and unidentifiable sound. At first I thought it was one of the cats wanting in the bathroom, as they are both obsessed with being in the tub when it's wet. However, when I opened the door there was no cat and the strange sound persisted. I soon realized that it was coming from the downstairs neighbour. At best the sound could only be described as a desperate wheezing. Capital M opened the door and saw our neighbour stumbling up the stairs. She managed to say "can't breathe" in between her laboured and terrifying attempts at breathing. I stood for a split second unsure of what to do. Part of me really wanted to be wearing more than just a towel; the other part knew I had to do something. I dialed 911 while M tried to assist our neighbour (I don't deny for a second that I had the easier job). Fortunately, our neighbour's breathing improved dramatically while I was speaking to the 911 operator. In the end no outside assistance was required. Our neighbour had no explanation for what happened; only that it sometimes does. She was also not inclined to stick around after she caught her breath. I was relieved then, when I heard her leaving for work in the morning.

sage advise?

I annoy myself daily by reading the advise column of the Toronto Star. Why? I really don't know. I don't care much for the columnist; I find her advise either too simple or off the mark. However, I'm sure giving advise isn't easy (though it is easier than taking it) and I thought I'd see if I could do any better. The following question is taken from her column.



Q: I'm 32 and have been dating a girl, 22, for more than two years. She recently initiated a three-month breakup, which I understood as we'd had some bad times, though more were good.
She later reached out to get back together. At our first meeting, we cleared up a lot and our feelings are the same if not stronger. But her parents are against our getting back together – they even bought her a puppy to forget about me. There was never a parent issue before.
This new-found hatred of me has been tearing us both up – with their constant negative input and criticism. She still lives at home, and is in depression over this, rude and resentful toward me because of the way her parents are treating her.
I'm torn between loving her and leaving her, to end the stress.



A: There is an inconsistency in your letter. You claim your feelings towards each other are stronger now but at the same time your girlfriend is both 'rude and resentful' toward you. You can't put this solely on her parents. If anything, the parents are something of a misdirection - a way for you both to try and ignore what's really happening. You already broke up once and it's entirely possible that your girlfriend is grappling with wanting the familiarity of your relationship and wanting to have new life experiences. Either way, her parents' treatment of her shouldn't result in her resenting you. My advice would be to part on the good terms you recently re-established.

Whew, that is tough. But I still don't like the columnist.

It snowed last night

Norbert Ispin posits that we all need a mystery to solve. From the big - why are we here? The in between - the peculiarities of Edgar Allan Poe's death, for example, and the small (see picture above). The Lakeshore Village Bakery opened in the spring of this year. I had always intended to go as I'm fond of bakeries and the goods found therein. However, I may have missed my chance. A few months after offering the goods noted in its window, the bakery stopped being open. This isn't to say that it went out of business. There has never been a lease or rent sign posted in the window by the building owners. The homemade breads and buns on display have never been removed and are in fact looking quite sun bleached (I tried to get a picture but it didn't turn out). Truly, the interior of the bakery looks as though the owners closed up for the night and had every intention of coming back the next day.

So here's the mystery - what happened to the owners? You may notice the sign on the window that reads "bakery for rent." It looks like it was written quickly by hand on construction paper and its appearance doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. Would I wish to take over a store that has been mysteriously abandoned on the merits of a chintzy rent sign? No, I would not.

I can only assume that the bakery owners are still paying rent on the store space but why then are they not manning the store? Hopefully one day I'll find out.

And that's today's small scale mystery.

I saved this just for you

T. Gibbons writes:  Jesse V, sometimes your posts are a little negative (i.e. ‘I hate my job,’ ‘I missed camp’ etc).  How about something more upbeat?

Great timing Gibbs, here’s a post that’s sure to please.  Yesterday was my birthday; I think that out of all 32 I’ve experienced, this one belongs in the top ten (though to be totally honest I don’t remember several of the lower, single digit birthdays).   To celebrate the day Capital M took me to see ‘We Will Rock You’ a musical featuring the songs of Queen.  The performances were full of energy, the songs were great and I totally enjoyed the show.  But that’s not all.  There was dinner followed by ice cream cake (this alone would have made for a great day) and presents. 

The day reminded me of a scene from ‘Endless Summer 2,’ one of the surfers, Patrick O’Connell, catches a wave and exclaims ‘that was the best wave ever!’ only to repeat the same thing every time he caught one.  My day was full of great waves – thanks M.

Ms Temper - she's just a baby man

Who knew that there would be lowbrow espionage in my job? I've had two phone calls in the past week from people that I suspect were trying to ferret information about my place of employment and the programs it offers. I was on to the first caller but, to my ever-lasting shame, I was duped by the other. There’s a lot of money to made by retraining injured workers and I have been told that my own supervisor frequently monitors competitors’ websites to see what they’re offering and how the programs are being delivered. This has led to me being signed up for an online Dispatch training program and I can only shudder at the thought of whatever else may be in my future.
I think at the very least these spy tactics should have an element of danger, maybe a femme fatale and a few cool gadgets.

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And now back to your regularly scheduled blog

In other news I recently bought a Venus Fly Trap. This will actually be my third attempt at growing one. So far I think I’ve been doing things right. I’ve been giving it distilled water, I fed it a bug that was hanging out on the wall far too close to where I sleep (I am concerned about bad karma and hope that the VFT starts catching fruit flies on its own), and it’s in a place that gets direct sunlight and then indirect sunlight. Capital M expressed her concerns regarding my metal health in the event of the plant not making it. These plants aren’t easy to grow and I took it to heart when the other two gave up the ghost. Hopefully the third time’s the charm.

won't be the same

An earlier version of today’s post sounded a little too assholey so I’ve decided to change gears and go with an earlier idea.
A few days ago I was walking to the bus and saw something that was pretty disgusting. On the sidewalk in front of me were the contents of someone’s stomach. Seeing puke is never a pleasant sight first thing in the morning but that wasn’t the grossest part. The honour went to the pigeon that was busy eating up the pasty little bits speckling the sidewalk. Blah, the thought of it makes my stomach a little queasy. So why, you may wonder, am I telling you this? While I continued walking I started thinking – that’s pretty gross but I’ve seen grosser.

Cue flashback music.

The summer of 1999 was a tough one. For reasons that no longer hold-up I had chosen to go home rather than return to Camp Chief Hector. Compounded with my missing camp was the fact that none of my friends from high school were around, there was also plenty of family drama, and people a lot younger than me kept telling me about partying with my mom (this is also an unpleasant thought but not the focus of this post). However, more than anything else it was my second job that ended up indelibly etched in my memory. That summer I was one of the few, the proud, and the thoroughly disgusted, I was a campground cleaner.

I can clearly remember one of my co-workers silently crying after finishing her first day on the job. The tears were warranted, as no one really deserves to see what we saw on a daily basis. We had to clean both outhouses and bathrooms with plumbing, among other things. Unfortunately, running water didn’t really make much of a difference. People on a camping holiday seemed to forget the basics of acting like human beings. For example, it was common to have to scrub away finger paintings, usually done with whatever was on-hand (pun definitely intended). Sometimes the paintings were quite intricate. Tour groups would usually abuse the outhouses they happened to stop at. It was common to encounter a ‘Mt. Shitmore’ (as my co-workers called it). This was formed in one of two ways 1) people would start going on the floor and build up from there 2) it was a naturally occurring phenomena that happened when the output exceeded the containment space.
I feel as though I’m crossing the line of poor taste so maybe I’ll stop with the descriptions. How about a reader poll – does anyone have a gross memory they’d like to share?

that's not my name

For all those who were wondering – the publishing company I wrote to did get back to me. Here’s their response:

Hello Jessie,
Editorial appreciates your feedback and will take your comments into consideration as part of our Error Correction process

Wow, thanks. The misspelling of my first name is also a nice touch. It’s not like my name didn’t appear in the ‘from’ section of the e-mail and at the end of my brief letter.
Others may be wondering if I’ve heard back from the school and the answer is no. There are two possible reasons for this: 1) The school board insisted the school pick someone already on the ‘hire’ list. 2) This one is entirely on me, but justifiable – I’m not yet licensed to teach in Ontario. The reason is simple enough – I’ve never made it on the eligible to hire list. There was no point in shelling out money for a teaching licence if I wasn't going to be teaching. It’s true that an equally convincing argument could be made that I should have applied regardless. So, in the spirit of fairness I’ve decided to conduct a random poll of people on the street and get their reactions. Here’s what some had to say:

Darshan S. – Well, it makes sense that if he knew in April that he wasn’t going to be hired for the rest of the year than there wasn’t much reason to get the licence

Samantha H. – Seriously! He didn’t get his licence? Does he not want to be a teacher?

Tobby L. – Who?

Linda M. – Hmmm, that’s like a chicken and the egg question – what comes first the job or the licence?

Tobby L. – No seriously, who?

Carol B. – He doesn’t live with his parents does he? No, is he single?

Oleksandr K. – this response had to be censored to fit the blog’s mostly PG-13 rating.

Tobby L. – Do I know him?

So, am I a man of principal or a self-saboteur? Probably a bit of both. However, I'm not unconvinced that reason #1 hasn't had some bearing on all this.
The search for new, and better, employment continues.

she's sitting on the beach

It's been a strange week. Last Tuesday I came home to find a message on the answering machine from a woman I'd never heard of asking me to fax my resume to the name of a school that I couldn't quite make out. I had to google the fax number in order to find out where the woman was calling from. My confusion didn't let up when it turned out the school was part of the Toronto District School Board.

A brief side note: The TDSB accepts applications starting on Jan. 2 of every year. They then determine who they're going to interview for the 'eligible to hire' list by March or April. If a teacher isn't on the 'eligible to hire' list they can't teach or even substitute for any school within the TDSB. Consequently, applicants (such as myself) who didn't hear anything back from the TDSB after April know that they will have to wait until next January to try again.

At first I thought there must have been a clerical error. Interviews with individual schools only come after being granted a coveted position on 'the list.' I'm not on the list. If I were a robot, this conundrum would have caused my head to explode. Regardless, I sent in my resume and was subsequently asked to come in for an interview on Thursday.

Another side note: The school is in Scarborough. I don't live anywhere near Scarborough. Capital M however works just down the street from the school.

The interview went well.  This was largely due to my interviewers not knowing I was waiting for them and thereby giving me more time to prepare.  When I arrived at the school I was handed a copy of the interview questions.  If I hadn't been given the questions before the interview I don't think I would have answered some of them very well.  

When I returned home there was another message from the school.  They wanted me to go back on Friday to do another interview.  This interview would be for the TDSB's 'eligible to hire list.'  So back I went (calling in sick yet another day).  Once again luck was on my side as I was given a copy of the interview questions before the meeting.  Only this time it turned out that I wasn't actually supposed to get them and they were taken back a few minutes later.  However, I had already read through all the questions.  That interview also went well, thanks in part to a mistake.

So where does this leave me?  There is a possibility I could be hired for the rest of this calender year to teach high school English and Social Studies.  It is still entirely possible that this won't work out but regardless of whether it does, or doesn't, this has to be the strangest job process I've ever experienced.

rebirth of slick

Because I care, I sent a letter of complaint to a publisher. Here's the letter:

To Whom it may concern:
My place of employment uses the More Reading Comprehension in Varied Subject Matter series. I was reading through selection 16, 'Annabel Lee' by Edgar Allen Poe in MRCVSM: book 1 and was very surprised by what I saw. The series author, Jane Ervin, treats this poem as though Poe was recounting a personal experience. In almost every question she refers to ‘the poet’ instead of ‘the narrator.’ Those two words are not synonymous. Here's an example of a question:
True or False
(a) The poet fell in love with Annabel Lee long before he wrote the poem
(b) The poet and Annabel lived on an island
As an English teacher, I always stress to my students that authors are not always the narrators of their works. Quite frankly, I’m surprised that your resource doesn’t make this distinction – it makes me question the integrity and academic scholarship of the series author. I hope that future editions will correct this glaring oversight.

Thanks,
Jesse V.
------------------

Alright, so I'm not an English teacher, but if I were I would remind my students of the aforementioned distinction. As well, the true or false questions aren't meant to be a trick and answered all false. Stay tuned for the publisher's response.

Lastly, I'm thinking that maybe a masters in library science is the way forward for me.

the street where you still live

I know I'm not supposed to laugh at the misfortune of others but today I just couldn't help it. Part of the course requirement for 'students' doing a vocational training program is that they work through a WHMIS CD. The information is presented in a confusing manner and narrated by a cranky, yet very boring, grandmotherly voice. There isn't much I can do for the poor souls who have to sit through that terrible CD beyond clearing up how to navigate its contents. At first most people are kind of keen but it doesn't take long before I start to hear sighs. This is usally followed by questions like: 'how long is this?' and then another even bigger sigh when I tell them they're on section one of five. In the background, the narrator's voice continues to drone on. I'm not sure if it's the voice, or the students' reactions or both that are starting to make me burst out laughing. Generally speaking, there is nothing funny about my job. Most people don't hear me laugh but today I couldn't stop.

Reason #43 why I need a new job: I am going insane