Tuesday, December 02, 2008

sage advise?

I annoy myself daily by reading the advise column of the Toronto Star. Why? I really don't know. I don't care much for the columnist; I find her advise either too simple or off the mark. However, I'm sure giving advise isn't easy (though it is easier than taking it) and I thought I'd see if I could do any better. The following question is taken from her column.



Q: I'm 32 and have been dating a girl, 22, for more than two years. She recently initiated a three-month breakup, which I understood as we'd had some bad times, though more were good.
She later reached out to get back together. At our first meeting, we cleared up a lot and our feelings are the same if not stronger. But her parents are against our getting back together – they even bought her a puppy to forget about me. There was never a parent issue before.
This new-found hatred of me has been tearing us both up – with their constant negative input and criticism. She still lives at home, and is in depression over this, rude and resentful toward me because of the way her parents are treating her.
I'm torn between loving her and leaving her, to end the stress.



A: There is an inconsistency in your letter. You claim your feelings towards each other are stronger now but at the same time your girlfriend is both 'rude and resentful' toward you. You can't put this solely on her parents. If anything, the parents are something of a misdirection - a way for you both to try and ignore what's really happening. You already broke up once and it's entirely possible that your girlfriend is grappling with wanting the familiarity of your relationship and wanting to have new life experiences. Either way, her parents' treatment of her shouldn't result in her resenting you. My advice would be to part on the good terms you recently re-established.

Whew, that is tough. But I still don't like the columnist.

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