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Hi folks, Phil 'the Beak man' Owens here. Some of you may recall my Grammy winning comedy album "Don't pee in the Pool" and the smash follow up "Don't Play Poker with Mobsters." But what I'm here to talk to you about today is no laughing matter - High Float. Anyone who's used this product knows just how dangerous it can be. Just listen to this chilling testimony:
"I was just waking by some balloons and when one exploded - I didn't even touch it. The balloon was filled with this goo - I think it's supposed to keep the helium from escaping. The stuff went everywhere; it got my hair, all over my pants. The worst part was that it was sticky."
Can you imagine what this product would be like for someone who doesn't like getting sticky? Here's another victim's story:
"We were almost finished with the grad decorations. I had just put the last balloon on the archway when someone opened the door. It was really cold outside and the change in temperature made the balloons start popping. All I remember from before I blacked out is what felt like machine gun fire but with slime. When I came to there were balloon bits everywhere and Jenny,

*** We interrupt this message with a separate yet equally important message:
High Float got you down? There's an app for that. Download it today at the iPhone App store.

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Until next time, this is Phil 'the Beak man' Owens wishing you a High Float free day.